Friendly….and you thought of someone
Proud……and a name pops up in your mind
Arrogant…….who did you just see in your mind’s eye
She’s such a lady…….I hope you are talking about me.
For almost every possible description of a person, there is a name or image that comes to your mind. This is the definition of perception. Our brain picks up data, does some processing and segments the information. is given. In business, we target the market based on segmentation. In human relations, we treat you, consciously or unconsciously based on how we perceive you. Is this fair? I don’t know! Can we do anything about it?
Of course, we can influence how we are categorized. To a large extent, our perception of others is based on 3 main layers. The external (our appearance), the internal (our intellect & character) and the emotive (how people feel or make people feel)
Now let’s all get real here. No need to be ashamed, I can’t read your mind. That day at church when someone quite scruffy-looking with a bit of an iffy smell, was ushered to sit next to you and you were not exactly pleased, what was going through your mind? Why were you not too happy? Why did you clutch your purse or pocket for a second?
How about the smartly dressed pleasant lady with clean fingernails, you met in the lift a week ago? You just happened to sit on a panel of interviewers and when she walked in you gave her 30 marks in your mind even before the first question was asked.
Even my picture in my profile (and you quickly took a look and came back to read), gives you a perception of me. It will be interesting to know the varied opinions.
What am I driving at? There could be a valid reason why Mr Scruffy appeared that way at church, but we left with a certain impression of him, not caring what the reason was. If we were to meet him again, we will be prejudiced towards him, quite the reverse of our favourable reaction to Miss Nice Nails.
Fair or not, I will not argue about this. But rather, since I know that perception is more real than we give it credit for and it is well within my sphere of control to manage the perception people have of me, I will put my best foot forward at all times.
Now what has all this got to do with my favourite word, Etiquette?
If I dress appropriately (this is not just being decent, but knowing what to wear when and how), you will label me as a lady. If I walk tall into a room, know how to work the room and network smoothly, you will call me confident. If I shut you down abruptly in a meeting, you will call me arrogant. My every word and action causes a reaction.
If etiquette encourages us at first level to be polite, kind, considerate and have integrity. Don’t you think these will ultimately become part of the adjectives used for you? On a second level, if you have mastered the art of elevating your presence through poise, posture and finesse, gosh we will call you refined, elegant, a lady, a gentleman etc. and we will treat you as such. Such treatment includes a good dose of respect, and the willingness to expose you to the right circles and to opportunities. Is this fair? I don’t know. Do I have control over how perception affects how people treat me? Yes. Can I decide how I want to be perceived and be deliberate about painting that picture? Absolutely. It is called Personal Branding and it is deeply rooted in the DNA of etiquette.
Once again, as you seek to carve a personal or business image of yourself, let’s just go back to the basics of etiquette: How do I look? What content do I deliver? And how do I make people around me feel?
If it seems like too much work, try the repercussions of not being deliberate about becoming excellent.
When you think etiquette, think excellence, think Lifestyle!
